we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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