Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
