Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
