Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
