So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize