Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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