i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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