I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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