none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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