If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
