all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
