How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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