I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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