I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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