this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
