I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
