I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So much Jack, so little girl.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
