Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
