On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
