david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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