Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dignity is for republicans.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize