Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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