can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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