the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
