If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Small penises have feelings too.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
