Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
