We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
