I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
