you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
