All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
