he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
