Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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