i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
