Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
