we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize