Can i not drive my cunt home
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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