As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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