i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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