hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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