the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
