"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
