She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
