I hate your face
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
