He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
