So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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