I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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