oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
