In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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