Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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