I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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