Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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