Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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