theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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