even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
