you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
