my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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