I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
