well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
