So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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