Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
