a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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