I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
