i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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