so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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