I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
