Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
